confused this morning.
waking up to a picture text of a makeupless friend.
why does she keep sending me these pictures and why is she taking them?
i was about to send her a picture back but i fell too quickly back asleep.
then i woke up again. my shelving next to me was glowing. i turned around saw another sunrise on the 7 building through the missing blind in the window.
i wanted to take a picture of this too. share it with someone. but who. back asleep.
wake up again. i'm late.

my knees and feet always feel as weak as the floor boards when i get out of bed and they press against each other like old piano chords as i wobbly walk to the bathroom.
hi again.
you again.
here again.

i hear other people in the walls as they get ready for work. a husband and a wife borderline fighting. a piano. shuffling.
i like this relationship with them, i'm sure they hear me too. i'm sure they hear my silence, my occasional typewriting, my hangers against the bar.
it is simple. we're not asking anything of each other. we don't see each other. we can't judge each other. we don't count on what we see. we're simply functioning in some sense in our private spaces.

piano ultimately being the most romantic instrument to hear in secret. i feel calm enough to start over again